*Cries and dies*

You know whos never helpful my very own mom. For 10 months she dgaf and now she does and is now transfering her futile nervousness to me. Fuck man. What is that

Ugh get me out of here

i used to wholeheartedly believe in marriages. I really liked it, actually. The idea of two people holding a lifelong commitment made love seem more tangible and realistic. but seeing one so close to me on the brink of separation makes me have doubts that i’ve never had. and so i’ve recently been getting a lot of new thoughts; is it really possible to keep one bind of love for more than half of your life? can it go on without even a single speck of blemish?

I hate my life. in every way possible. i never imagined my life to be so bland, with no color, impulse or stimulus. desperation and pressure have never been more intense, but expectations are never fulfilled. i feel like i am being pressed every second and instead of counterbalancing that upwards i keep going down with it until god knows where.

fuck. im so scared and paranoid. It’s march. then april, then may. then june. then july. then the most important day of my life.

what i don’t understand and hate the most is the fact that you are now coming here pretending to care and worry when really for the past 8 months you have cared absolutely nothing about me. it’s 3 last months left and i am on the verge of going crazy and you throw me into more stress with those stupid and oblivious words that clearly shows nothing but desperation in trying to take part when it is almost over. probably to get some credit later.

you don’t even know what i am doing, what i have gone through or even where i am going. for the most debilitating and exhausting past 8 months of my life, I have repeatedly told myself that i will look back at it and see it as something only I have accomplished. solitarily. don’t try to be part of it now.