this too shall pass

*Cries and dies*

You know whos never helpful my very own mom. For 10 months she dgaf and now she does and is now transfering her futile nervousness to me. Fuck man. What is that

Ugh get me out of here

i used to wholeheartedly believe in marriages. I really liked it, actually. The idea of two people holding a lifelong commitment made love seem more tangible and realistic. but seeing one so close to me on the brink of separation makes me have doubts that i’ve never had. and so i’ve recently been getting a lot of new thoughts; is it really possible to keep one bind of love for more than half of your life? can it go on without even a single speck of blemish?

I hate my life. in every way possible. i never imagined my life to be so bland, with no color, impulse or stimulus. desperation and pressure have never been more intense, but expectations are never fulfilled. i feel like i am being pressed every second and instead of counterbalancing that upwards i keep going down with it until god knows where.

fuck. im so scared and paranoid. It’s march. then april, then may. then june. then july. then the most important day of my life.

what i don’t understand and hate the most is the fact that you are now coming here pretending to care and worry when really for the past 8 months you have cared absolutely nothing about me. it’s 3 last months left and i am on the verge of going crazy and you throw me into more stress with those stupid and oblivious words that clearly shows nothing but desperation in trying to take part when it is almost over. probably to get some credit later.

you don’t even know what i am doing, what i have gone through or even where i am going. for the most debilitating and exhausting past 8 months of my life, I have repeatedly told myself that i will look back at it and see it as something only I have accomplished. solitarily. don’t try to be part of it now. 

worst 6 months of my whole entire life is yet to come, and I’m already exhausted and emotionally drained. Someone save me please. Get me out of this and show me a good reason to why I should open my eyes in the morning.

this is the shittiest and most appalling education system I’ve ever experienced. I know I’ve expected it to be at a certain level but this is just far beyond that. Every week we’re constantly given number rankings of where we are depending on our scores. Teachers and faculty then vary their expectations and respect for students accordingly. The top 10 would get the awe and encouragement while the rest would just be there as sources of money and to fill up empty seats. And worse, even the students acknowledge that. Every Tuesday, 157 students crowd the bulletin board, all eyes staring at the 3 page long list and trying to find their name to see where they belong. Trying to see whether they get the respect, the pride, and mostly hope for getting in university. And as soon as you’ve fallen from the top 10, you know you’ve lost that all. It’s the most brutal thing and its strips all students of their self-esteem. 

Never raise your kids in South Korea.

just dont have the fucking energy and time to care so